What I Did on My Extended Summer Vacation (from writing)

Hi, I'm Jon.  You may remember me from such blogs as, well, this one, and some of you from real life.  It's probably a faint memory at this point, since I haven't posted since April. 

Why the long absence?  I'm not sure I can pin it to any one thing, although I don't think it's a coincidence that I started reading George R. R. Martin's "A Game of Thrones" about a week after my last post.  I'm not blaming him, but it's not the sort of book you put down once you start.  And once I was finished with it (in record time for me), there were three more, right there.  I got to the end of book 4 just as the long-awaited book 5 was released, one thing led to another, and 4,800 pages later here I am. Don't worry, I'm not going to review the thing.  There have been probably as many words written about the saga as are actually in it, and it seems unlikely that I'd be able to add any thoughts that could be considered "new."  But getting back on point, George R. R. Martin is personally to blame for the lapse.

That's not entirely true. I have lots of other things going on--heavier responsibilities at the paying job, coaching little league and various other dad stuff, traveling--but it's not like that's a new development. The truth is that writing anything for the last 6 months has felt like way more of a chore than it should be.    I love doing this, but for some reason it just seemed like a big weight to lift.  And the longer I let it sit there, the heavier the weight got, much like cleaning the garage.  That's the big reason I'm back here now--I realized that I'd started equating writing with menial household labor.  This cannot stand.

So I'm back.  I even have some things that can roll out immediately that have been hanging around for 6 months (man, I couldn't even post stuff I'd already written).  Keep an eye on this space.  Send me encouragement.  Send me ideas for articles.  I have some--I'll take more.

-Jon

Tom Hanks IS Michael Caine...

The best five minutes of the Elton John episode of SNL, and it has nothing to do with Elton John.  Stay with it through the ad...Hulu is much more reliable about these things than YouTube.

Revel in the glory of make-believe Michael Caine's contempt for make-believe Ringo Starr.

Always Take Kids Seriously...

I love Letters of Note.  Every time I read one of the little pieces of verbal history on their site, there's the possibility that I will be awed, or simply start blubbering to myself.

This one is from a kid in the UK in 1973 who was asking some advice from his favorite TV show characters.  I've never seen "Blue Peter" but I gather it's something on the order of Sesame Street here in the States.  This is a great example of adults taking what a kid is saying at face value, and supporting him rather than giving him a chuckling pat on the head.  In the words of the letter-writer himself, if the response he got "had shown any hint of ridicule or disbelief I might perhaps never have trained to become a medical scientist or been driven to achieve the impossible dream, and really make a difference to a human being's life. I remember being thrilled at the time to have been taken seriously. Actually, even nowadays I am thrilled when people take my ideas seriously."

Take a minute and read the link below.  It'll brighten your day.  And maybe make you listen more closely to what your kids are saying.

 http://www.lettersofnote.com/2011/03/i-think-i-no-how-to-make-people-or.html

In 30 Minutes or Less!

Sure, anyone could cook their family in 30 minutes if they had a whole production staff prepping everything for them...

You Need the Basic Instructions

Basic Instructions is perhaps my favorite web comic going right now.  Scott Meyer, the creator, seems like a kindred spirit...in that he overanalyzes every social situation and bit of pop culture he comes across.  He then converts it to a short life-lesson, complete with helpful role-playing examples.

It's always helpfully linked in my blog roll to the right, but here is one of my favorites to give you an idea of what we're dealing with here.

On Brendan Fraser...

I'm here to eulogize a friend...or at least the career of someone a lot of us once thought of as a friend.  It is necessitated by the news that Brendan Fraser's next film will be something entitled Whole Lotta Sole.  It's a fish heist story.  Yes, that kind of sole.

Honestly, this would have been better.

What an odyssey Brendan Fraser's career has been.  Encino Man introduced us to this endearing lunk of a man.  True, most film fans likely dismissed him based on that credit only, what with his most compelling line of dialogue being "Betty...nugs." 

Pauly Shore was the draw for this movie.  It was a different time...

Then he starting showing up in dramatic roles...and killing them.  From his turn as a secretly Jewish football star in WASP-dominated 1950's prep school in School Ties, and then as a driven Harvard political science major who learns practical knowledge from a homeless Joe Pesci in With Honors, it appeared that he could be the next great American leading man.  A sort of GenX Harrison Ford, or more appropriately maybe Michael Keaton, with his goofy comedic properties.  Tall, handsome, funny, and as proven by 1999's surprise hit The Mummy, a truly rough and ready action star as well.  Sure, there was George of the Jungle, and Blast From the Past, but he certainly wasn't the weak link in those productions, either in concept or execution.  And he did make Airheads, a cult favorite among my people (Midwestern air guitar players), so the 90's were, on the whole, a great decade for Fraser.

But the karmic wheel spins, and Fraser's slow downswing began almost immediately after The Mummy.  His very next movie was Dudley Do-Right.  Honestly, who remembers the cartoon Dudley Do-Right?  Anyone?  The answer is no, because it bombed at the box office ($70M budget, $9.6M gross), and the descent began.  Monkeybone, two disappointing Mummy sequels, the sometimes-great-but-mostly-not Bedazzled, all adding to the dismal tally.  A smallish role in the overwrought 2004 Best Picture Crash marks the last respectable film role for our hero.  I give you his last 5 films, in order of oldest to newest:

-Journey To The Center Of The Earth (In "comin' atcha" 3D!)
-The Mummy:  Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (Hey, did you know there are Chinese mummies too?  Yeah, Rachel Weisz didn't care, either.)
-Inkheart (Anybody out there see this?  Again, the answer is no.)
-Extraordinary Measures (Really a Harrison Ford movie, and it bombed too)
-Furry Vengeance  (92 minutes of our boy being kicked in the nuts by CGI raccoons)

I didn't include his uncredited appearance in G.I. Joe, though I will mention it to save some of his dignity.


Buuuuuuut, then his delicately-waisted action figure steals it right away again.

 It's like he's become drawn to ridiculously bad ideas, put together by morons.  So the fish burglary movie shouldn't be a shock to anyone, but it is a sad nadir to a long-fading career that started with such promise. 

Rest in peace, Link.  We'll always have Encino.

My Oscar Picks 2011

Oscar, looking...oscarly.

Oscar time!  It's the biggest TV event in this country behind the Super Bowl, and this year has been a particularly good one for film.  I've always thought of myself as a decent judge of what is good and what is bad (at least as far as movies go), so why not step out in public and make a few bold predictions, eh?  Well, okay, some aren't all that bold <coughkingsspeechcough>, but others might surprise you.  I'm not picking all of them (what do I know from dust bunnies about sound editing?), but I'll hit the high points that everyone cares about.

I'll say upfront that my credibility on some of these is going to be weak, since I haven't seen every nominated film.  However, I have seen several, and I'm an avid enough observer of the cultural zeitgeist that I can pretty well gauge a film or actor's chances based on buzz.  Does that make me an infallible film critic?  No.  Does it matter since no one is providing oversight of my "work" here?  Also no.  So read on, and challenge my picks if you feel I'm being an idiot.  Or, you know, praise them if you think I'm spot on.  Whatever.